Lost my direction - A mistake

The earth will never be as round as we thought . The Fullmoon will never last long, It is not as beautiful as we always think it be  . As to what Shakespeare stated in" Life Brief Candle " , Life is just like a walking shadow. In another words , it is just like a candle . Within a second ,it's life is already shorten-ed. Haiz , a sentimental person like me , has such a sensitive sense . Sometimes ,it just makes me become irrational . You know , what is the result if you being so irrational ? Maybe u would say that :" Come on , we are an ordinary man , a common human being ? What is wrong if we did a mistake ?" Well , i will come to answer you that i cannot afford any mistake . It will damage everything i planned for my family . I cannot be so common as if i want the best for my family and people around me . I cannot be so ordinary in order to protect the people i used to spend times with . A mistake has been commit anyway. 

What is happening ? Your natural curiousity will automatic-ly lead you to that question . I cannot disclose 100% here. If you are my close friends , ask me then . It is not a big deal . It is just merely a simple disappointment . It just shouldn't affect me so much ! In fact , a simple disappointment just made me go through a few meaningless weeks . I dont really study and i dont really prepare for my exam. The assignments is still there which i never touch it . It might be stress symptoms. I am a student who always take and run my duty as much as i can . Last times i used to think that i just want to be a normal and average student . I dont want to be so outstanding. Now , i comes to know that if i being so low-profile . Opportunity will not come to me ,even i have to ability to handle and do well if i given such chance . My brothers and sister always tell me that this world is so cruel . I know it ,but i dont really understand it . People who always act so "cool" is actually cruel . (It refers to someone i know,not applicable for world at large) . I tend to always see what people actually think of  or maybe the reason for such an act . All right , if thats what that person want , i'll give him then . Showing off  and so on .  I cant stand with it . Instead of showing off , trying to be so low profile. People around is like cant see it . It is totally fake ! What happened is that , i am not given a chance to do what i desire .Before that, i was told that i got the chance . So , i prepare for it and even dream about it . At the end , I am too late ?? COme on , i had expressed my willingness on that before anyone else . I do everything crucially . I feel like what i have done is actually a waste . So , for weeks i am in a bad condition. I watched at least 2 drama series and movies , surf net and so on . Something that meaningless. I feel like even if i do everything i should do , still someone who run strategy will get it . Oh my gosh , i feel so unsecured . Yes , this is what the real world . I really need time to get used to it . I always think that i will only happen when i am working in the future . It is not true , just false . It happened anywhere , anytime ,any field . In addition , i have no one to talk with . First , i dont express my feeling to my family. I dont want to let them so pity  for me . I just dont want them to worry about me . Well , thats what i do . I always keep problem inside me ,beyond me . I always solve it by myself. However , i got my brothers who always give me counsel and share everythings with me . He is 30yrs old businessman , experienced in many fields. Since i know him , my problems getting less and lesser . He always know when i am hiding something. Now , i seldom go to meet him since i am on the holidays to prepare for my exam . My best friend who i always spend time with is gone .So, i am alone. If u ask me . Do i have any friends ? Friends? I got a lot , but those who i can actually share thought. Few...... And yet i have to perform my duty as a brother . Siblings now getting so stubborn and have their own thought. Not mature enough to talk with . Thats so stressful . Trying so hard to be a good brother , and yet they are not appreciate it . Honestly , i do everythings to everyone for everyone is without any selfishness or self-benefit. I can even swear that i give my sincerity for anything i have done.I dont need any pay back , just need a simple appreciation. 

The first mistake , i shouldn't promise my dad that i will spend all my time to prepare my studies .So i no need to stay at home and dont get the chance to meet my fellow brothers and sisters . I will surely wont be so down. I will have better motivation to study ! These fellow brothers and sisters , i will appreciate them until the end  of my entire life. I wont forget those who helped me . Thats really true. I wont forget and will never forget . Besides if i have memory loss medically. Seriously, i really take them as my bros and sis. Now , i having a conflict between myself. Whether i wanna go to UK to read law ? I will not see them for years. 

Second mistake , i should not spend most of my time in front of my computer just to watch . It is not a good way to express my dissatisfaction and my sadness. I should study more harder to prove that they are wrong .As to what my brother said , once you very busy and without good base to handle , you will have problem . Now, it is proven . I am having problem . 

Yes , life is so challenging . For me , what had happened around me will not change my personality. But, i do learn a lesson. The sun will not be seen for long . But it always there. Just like justice . Maybe its not representable , but it is there .Maybe what i have done is not being appreciate by people , but it doesnt mean what i have done is a waste.

Junhong , Come on. YOu are tough enough ! I always said that it is not a big issue if u fall down , but it is a serious matter whether you can stand up or not . I am a boy who keep felling down and stand up . The process will keep running. I believe that after everything a little junny boy will finally bcome a man . A man who is protective and help people around me .