Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Lost my direction - A mistake

The earth will never be as round as we thought . The Fullmoon will never last long, It is not as beautiful as we always think it be  . As to what Shakespeare stated in" Life Brief Candle " , Life is just like a walking shadow. In another words , it is just like a candle . Within a second ,it's life is already shorten-ed. Haiz , a sentimental person like me , has such a sensitive sense . Sometimes ,it just makes me become irrational . You know , what is the result if you being so irrational ? Maybe u would say that :" Come on , we are an ordinary man , a common human being ? What is wrong if we did a mistake ?" Well , i will come to answer you that i cannot afford any mistake . It will damage everything i planned for my family . I cannot be so common as if i want the best for my family and people around me . I cannot be so ordinary in order to protect the people i used to spend times with . A mistake has been commit anyway. 

What is happening ? Your natural curiousity will automatic-ly lead you to that question . I cannot disclose 100% here. If you are my close friends , ask me then . It is not a big deal . It is just merely a simple disappointment . It just shouldn't affect me so much ! In fact , a simple disappointment just made me go through a few meaningless weeks . I dont really study and i dont really prepare for my exam. The assignments is still there which i never touch it . It might be stress symptoms. I am a student who always take and run my duty as much as i can . Last times i used to think that i just want to be a normal and average student . I dont want to be so outstanding. Now , i comes to know that if i being so low-profile . Opportunity will not come to me ,even i have to ability to handle and do well if i given such chance . My brothers and sister always tell me that this world is so cruel . I know it ,but i dont really understand it . People who always act so "cool" is actually cruel . (It refers to someone i know,not applicable for world at large) . I tend to always see what people actually think of  or maybe the reason for such an act . All right , if thats what that person want , i'll give him then . Showing off  and so on .  I cant stand with it . Instead of showing off , trying to be so low profile. People around is like cant see it . It is totally fake ! What happened is that , i am not given a chance to do what i desire .Before that, i was told that i got the chance . So , i prepare for it and even dream about it . At the end , I am too late ?? COme on , i had expressed my willingness on that before anyone else . I do everything crucially . I feel like what i have done is actually a waste . So , for weeks i am in a bad condition. I watched at least 2 drama series and movies , surf net and so on . Something that meaningless. I feel like even if i do everything i should do , still someone who run strategy will get it . Oh my gosh , i feel so unsecured . Yes , this is what the real world . I really need time to get used to it . I always think that i will only happen when i am working in the future . It is not true , just false . It happened anywhere , anytime ,any field . In addition , i have no one to talk with . First , i dont express my feeling to my family. I dont want to let them so pity  for me . I just dont want them to worry about me . Well , thats what i do . I always keep problem inside me ,beyond me . I always solve it by myself. However , i got my brothers who always give me counsel and share everythings with me . He is 30yrs old businessman , experienced in many fields. Since i know him , my problems getting less and lesser . He always know when i am hiding something. Now , i seldom go to meet him since i am on the holidays to prepare for my exam . My best friend who i always spend time with is gone .So, i am alone. If u ask me . Do i have any friends ? Friends? I got a lot , but those who i can actually share thought. Few...... And yet i have to perform my duty as a brother . Siblings now getting so stubborn and have their own thought. Not mature enough to talk with . Thats so stressful . Trying so hard to be a good brother , and yet they are not appreciate it . Honestly , i do everythings to everyone for everyone is without any selfishness or self-benefit. I can even swear that i give my sincerity for anything i have done.I dont need any pay back , just need a simple appreciation. 

The first mistake , i shouldn't promise my dad that i will spend all my time to prepare my studies .So i no need to stay at home and dont get the chance to meet my fellow brothers and sisters . I will surely wont be so down. I will have better motivation to study ! These fellow brothers and sisters , i will appreciate them until the end  of my entire life. I wont forget those who helped me . Thats really true. I wont forget and will never forget . Besides if i have memory loss medically. Seriously, i really take them as my bros and sis. Now , i having a conflict between myself. Whether i wanna go to UK to read law ? I will not see them for years. 

Second mistake , i should not spend most of my time in front of my computer just to watch . It is not a good way to express my dissatisfaction and my sadness. I should study more harder to prove that they are wrong .As to what my brother said , once you very busy and without good base to handle , you will have problem . Now, it is proven . I am having problem . 

Yes , life is so challenging . For me , what had happened around me will not change my personality. But, i do learn a lesson. The sun will not be seen for long . But it always there. Just like justice . Maybe its not representable , but it is there .Maybe what i have done is not being appreciate by people , but it doesnt mean what i have done is a waste.

Junhong , Come on. YOu are tough enough ! I always said that it is not a big issue if u fall down , but it is a serious matter whether you can stand up or not . I am a boy who keep felling down and stand up . The process will keep running. I believe that after everything a little junny boy will finally bcome a man . A man who is protective and help people around me .




 

Saturday, April 26, 2008

当我老了 <>


--- --------我的婆婆My Grandma.----------



当我老了,不再是原来的我。
请理解我,对我有一点耐心。


When i am getting older , It is not who i am before .
Please understand me , Be patience when you are facing me .  





当我把菜汤洒到自己衣服上时,当我忘记怎样系鞋带时,
请想一想当初我是如何手把手地教你。

When i accidentaly fallen the vege-soup on my shirt and
When i forgot to tie up my shoelace ,
Please do think of how i taught you hand-by-hand those days.





当我一遍又一遍地重复你早已听腻的话语,
请耐心地听我说,不要打断我。你小的时候,我不得不重复那个讲过千百遍的故事,直到你进入梦乡。  

When i keep repeat and repeat the things that i have said ,
Please listen to me in patience , don't stop me .
Do remember that when you were young , I have no choice but to repeat the story for times until you are asleep .




当我需要你帮我洗澡时,
请不要责备我。还记得小时候我千方百计哄你洗澡的情形吗? 

When i need you to bath me ,
Please don't be mad at me , Do you still remember the scene where i keep convincing you to take shower when you were young ? 





当我对新科技和新事物不知所措时,请不要嘲笑我。
想一想当初我怎样耐心地回答你的每一个“为什么”。 

When i am lost and ignorance on latest technology and the recent stuff ,
Please to laugh at me ,
Do think of how i answered you for every"WHY"which you have asked .




当我由于双腿疲劳而无法行走时,请伸出你年轻有力的手搀扶我。
就像你小时候学习走路时,我扶你那样。  

When my legs is getting tired and it does no allow me to walk ,
Do give me your strong hands to help me ,
It is just the same way i did when you take your first step.




当我忽然忘记我们谈话的主题,请给我一些时间让我回想。
其实对我来说,谈论什么并不重要,只要你能在一旁听我说,我就很满足。  

When i lose memory on the thread of our conversation , Do give me times to recall my memory.
It is indeed not important of my conversation with you ,
It is enough for my satisfaction to have you beside me and listen to me .





当你看着老去的我,请不要悲伤。
理解我,支持我,就像你刚开始学习如何生活时我对你那样。

When you looking at me who is getting older ,
Please dont be sad and down about that , but ,
Do understand me , support me , as how i treat you when you were first starting to learn the way of living .





当初我引导你走上人生路,如今请陪伴我走完最后的路。
给我你的爱和耐心,我会报以感激的微笑,这微笑中凝结着我对你无限的爱。

Last times i led you the way to step up your life ,
please then accompany me until the end of my life ,
Give me your love and patience ,
and I will pay you by the lovely smile , where the smile full with the immense and unlimited love that i always had and have for you.

_______________________________________________________

当我读了这篇简单的字句,这篇简单的文章,就直接打入我的心房。简单的字句,且流露出一位年老父母的心声。那么的直接,十分得贴切。无常,就是它让我们的父母逐渐苍老,然而这是任何人都无法改变的原理。叶儿终会干枯而落,花儿亦会枯萎凋谢。徐徐而来得年老,随水而来的时间,那么无情。如今,他将会让我们的父母以及大家都逐渐随着岁月老去。
试想,各位:“以上的,不就是你们打从心底的心声吗?”

静下来,看下周遭,都无时无刻的表现着生老病死。
听不到?静下来,聆听那潺潺的水流声,你会感觉到:“很多事情就那么一刹那。”
就在呼吸之间。

珍惜。爱惜。知恩。感恩。报恩。绝对不是怜惜,就算是,就怜惜自己为何不珍惜。

Fellow friends , when i first read this passage ,this such a simple and easy passage . I was touched. I stopped and stand still . It is just so true . I was being amazed by the author. I read it in chinese originally and i translated it . It might be not good grammatically. I tried just to share with you all.

Look at your dad and mum , isnt they are aging in terms of psychologically and physically ? We tend to blame everything to our parents. They do have mistake ,and we might dislike it . They do it all the way just to prepare the best way to our life. Come on , we are human , mistake is always happening ? How do u define mistake ?

Think of it . It is so true . just so true ......

Friday, April 11, 2008


Is justice being served ?


All right, sometimes we cannot see something from outview. We have to see from others sides as well. We must prove the probability.
Yes , brothers and sisters , i dont really have time to spend with you all now . I really missed u all . Everytime i got upset and depressed . I always have you all beside me . Why is it i am so sentimental ? Well...no , it is just an appreciation .

I just had a lite car accident . Yes, it just happened a moment ago . What had happened is .....

First , when i am driving and wanted to cross another side of the road . A malay women who drove her car in fast speed eventually banged my car. Yes, she did ! she bang my car! and yet , she claim that i am the one who is fault . Oh my god , how the hell am i gonna to bang her car when i am stopping there ? Since i am living in this such a wonderful 'malay'sia . I have to tolerate with her , All right, i admit that i am fault. She is a 30+years old women. Maybe she is now having imbalance of her hormon . She makes a fake to a fact . Yes and of course my parent will believe her words than mine. From outview , it is my fault.

Her car is cant even said that it is injured severly.Just abit of painting loss. Indeed my Livina front bomba is in bad condition . Mygosh , my dad will surely screw me up . I think i dont wanna drive that luxurious car anymore . Maybe a nissan sunny will do good for me. Okay, back to the topic , first she is speeding to fetch her daughter to school. Secondly , she did not try to avoid from my car when my car is out.

It can be argued that it is my fault since i do not aware of her fast speed. She said that she want me to pay for reparation . Come on , if i bang her car, her car wont be just a painting loss. Her kenari will eventually being crashed man ! I am driving slowly and yet stil have this kinda accident. I am a new car driver , i should be aware of anything and everything.

I learnt a lesson today. If here is not Malaysia , i will surely speakout! This accident is now strengthen my determination to read law and become a lawyer. The reform of malaysia's law is needed and necessary ! The quota system need to be abolished ! I know a lawyer cannot do anything , since those who speakout is now enjoying their life in ISA jail .

I am wrong okay. After this , i dont wana drive the Grand livina . I prefer a nissan sunny then. My grandma-in-law said that she will give me a nissan sunny . Maybe i'll take that into consideration.

Have you guys ever think that , is justice beings served in malaysia?Or justice is just merely for decoration ?or an anology can be use that the earth is is sphere and will never be circle ?

Brothers and sisters and my fellow friends . Thats basicly what happened just now.




I am a lucky boy .

Why am i still a boy? Don't you think that i should have grown up ?

As i said, life is inevitable, we dont really what is gonna pass and what is coming soon in the future? I am a lucky boy by still have the chance and have the opportunity to meet my brothers and sisters. Compared to them, i am just a small little tiny peanut . Which in another word, i am still a boy .

First and foremost, i have a family which is taking care of me so much. Being spoonfeed for around 17years. Such a pampered guy!!! All right, what i need to do is just study . My mind is being socialise by that kind of mindset . Maybe it is kind of childish to say that i am a boy who have a big dream . However, i am now living in a limited small space that i cannot even do what i wana do. It would not be too much if u said that i am a daydreamer, well , it is indeed i am.

I have a hand but i dont know how to use my hand. I have a lot of dreams but dont know how to make it comes true. I have a big vision. I come to understand my life is not only ordinary, but it is meaningless . The patriachy system is still function in my family. I have to listen to what my dad plan for me. If , just if , and if i dont know how to express my feelings and decision . I can tell you honestly, my life is just a merely for decorative. When i realise what i want in my life, i tend to become deviant in my dad's view. In fact, i am not . Well...yes, i am rely to my family. Now, it is time for the changes come. The revolution should come .



I want to become someone that is actually help this society. Which can help those people with low ability , no matter financially , physically or psychologically. I dont need to be outstanding. But i need to improve and upgrade myself in order to do that.

In my heart, i have the feeling that i can actually do and work out a lot of things. It is however some barriers and limitation. I cant figure out what is the problem though.

Now, recently and gonna be in the future, i am very lucky, honoured to have a bunch of brothers and sisters . They all make me realise how weak i am ? how stupid i am ? They showed me my problem . We dont really have secret. Maybe you will wonder, what? It is just impossible to have 0 secret. Yes, it can be argued that way.Indeed, secret might be just something that protect us . And it cant be a secret since it is not the matter that we are not being exposed to the issue, it is just the matter of time. We will slowly come to understand when it is the time to do so.


Okay, with no doubt, i am weak . Weak in a sense of physically , and psychologically as well. I dont need to be hiding that many think that i am soft. Which mean that i am not tough enough.They taught me how to become a man. Yes, sounds funny ?? WEll, take it seriouly then.


I am on the way to find my way and will find my way .

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Do u have enough tIMe? buddy....

Monday,Tuesday,Wednesday, Thursday and so on .... Time keep passing by , and sometimes i just feel like it actually doesn't exist! Why? It is too fast . With just a blink of eyes, it just passed and pass and passing . What about present ? Is there ever a present ? Arhhhhuh...it is still being argued in the world of science , philosophy , and also religion . Maybe some of us might think that: "Hey! u r insane! You are thinking too much !" All right, i will admit that i've thinking a lot .However, it doesnt mean that i am insane ! Okay...let me make everything clear to you.

I heard of 1 interesting quote which is : " i can never tell a lie , since the truth is never true ."
I have no idea who did i quoyed from . But, i am sure that , those who ever think of it is a great thinker just like Plato. It is all about time , when i am now pointing something and say said this is this , in another second i can said this is actually that . Ermm...complicated huh ? Not so.

For examples , last times the sciencetist said that the earth is square . Now, the new discovery is that the earth is actually sphere . Everything everywhere everything and anything is keep changing all the time and anytime.