Unstable , Unbreathable and Un-sleep-able , I having insomnia recently . The negativity which i always been trying to hide is now leaking from my inner self . I just cant sleep and i wonder why ? Now, i've figure it out though . The faith which my brothers and sisters had given me is really burdening me so much , stressful enough to make me failure in sleep . They are peoples who i respect so much , and i appreciate them too . I don't wanna let them down . I trying to be as stable as i can these days. Indeed , i am not . Depressed . I try to be as busy as possible to make me forget about the A-levels result . I just cant stop thinking about it . Trying to think of others people and forget about myself. Trying to be more humorous to make some positivity . Am i happy ? Yes , in a sense that i feel happy for others and it is a NOT from me . I am absolutely not happy for the current me . Remember what i've posted last week ? Yesterday is history and tomorrow is history , but today is a gift , that's why it called the PRESENT . I failed to apply it . I still live in the past since i always thinking of the past "ME" . In others people's view , which included my friends and my family's member , they have an impression that i am a SMART boy who always doing fine academically. Yes , i am not the excellent one but at least just fine ! After form 3 and i did quite good in PMR , my result was keep dropping . Honestly , i did bad in SPM too , I cant even score 6As man ! Okay , nevermind . I have enough distinctions and credits that can get me into any Pre-U course . Now , A-levels turns . The result will be release soon in this coming 10th August 2008 . My lord Buddha ! I cant failed ! I cant failed ! I must at least got a pass in any subject which i take . SouNds funny ? It is what popping in my mind right now though . My brother asked me once :" Cant u take failure easily?" and i can't answer that question . In the depth of myself , I whispered :" Yes , i really cant take any failure in my academic !" I cant afford that ! I cant take it ! Even a "C" grade is killing me ! What about fail then ? I can easily score well in exams last time(WEll, at least i can take it ) and now i cant .
I really need to get through ! Or else ?????????? Please ! Pursue a law degree means so much to me ! It is my future ! I am damn stressed right now . I love law and i enjoy reading it ! I dont wanna see these expression :" What? Junhong failed ! U gotta be kidding me ! Impossible !" I am thinking too much now . The me right now is either sleep too much cause of tiredness or CAnt sleep cause of stressfulness . TOTALLY IMBALANCE . NO NO NO , please , not right now , i cant fail any subjects ! My mind is in a mess .... unstable .... My friends will think that i am quite a tough boy since i helped my secondary school's friend to solve their problem. Now , the challenge comes and i cant take it ! No ! It is not the challenge ! Tragedy ! It is however not a tragedy yet since no one know my result yet .I hope it is not gonna be a tragedy ! If i get through , i am sure i wont let it happen to me ! This is the first time ever i say this and it is the last time as well . If i get through , i will do what ever i can to help people in their academic and whatsoever problem they face . People will always promise to themselves in this way to make them feel better . However , it is my vow , it is my promise and it is my destiny to always get ready for help . Thats why, i cannot fail .
Insomnia is still along me now and i cant take it anymore....Am i tough enough ? and those who always labelled themselves as a tough guy , R u tough enough ? I know only one guy who is that tough and still tough and he is the legend to me . I can hardly achieve that level of toughness .
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