Sunday, July 27, 2008

--UnSToppable NErvouSness---P@SSion EsTOpel!

Unstable , Unbreathable and Un-sleep-able , I having insomnia recently . The negativity which i always been trying to hide is now leaking from my inner self . I just cant sleep and i wonder why ? Now, i've figure it out though . The faith which my brothers and sisters had given me is really burdening me so much , stressful enough to make me failure in sleep . They are peoples who i respect so much , and i appreciate them too . I don't wanna let them down . I trying to be as stable as i can these days. Indeed , i am not . Depressed . I try to be as busy as possible to make me forget about the A-levels result .  I just cant stop thinking about it . Trying to think of others people and forget about myself. Trying to be more humorous  to make some positivity . Am i happy ? Yes , in a sense that i feel happy for others and it is a NOT from me . I am absolutely not happy for the current me . Remember what i've posted last week ? Yesterday is history and tomorrow is history , but today is a gift , that's why it called the PRESENT . I failed to apply it . I still live in the past since i always thinking of the past "ME" . In others people's view , which included my friends and my family's member , they have an impression that i am a SMART boy who always doing fine academically. Yes , i am not the excellent one but at least just fine ! After form 3 and i did quite good in PMR  , my result was keep dropping . Honestly , i did bad in SPM too , I cant even score 6As man ! Okay , nevermind . I have enough distinctions and credits that can get me into any Pre-U course . Now , A-levels turns . The result will be release soon in this coming 10th August 2008 . My lord Buddha ! I cant failed ! I cant failed ! I must at least got a pass in any subject which i take . SouNds funny ? It is what popping in my mind right now though . My brother asked me once :" Cant u take failure easily?" and i can't answer that question . In the depth of myself , I whispered :" Yes , i really cant take any failure in my academic !" I cant afford that ! I cant take it ! Even a "C" grade is killing me ! What about fail then ? I can easily score well in exams last time(WEll, at least i can take it ) and now i cant .

I really need to get through ! Or else ?????????? Please ! Pursue a law degree means so much to me ! It is my future !  I am damn stressed right now . I love law and i enjoy reading it ! I dont wanna see these expression :" What? Junhong failed ! U gotta be kidding  me ! Impossible !" I am thinking too much now . The me right now is either sleep too much cause of tiredness or CAnt sleep cause of stressfulness . TOTALLY IMBALANCE . NO NO NO , please , not right now , i cant fail any subjects ! My mind is in a mess .... unstable .... My friends will think that i am quite a tough boy since i helped my secondary school's friend to solve their problem. Now , the challenge comes and i cant take it ! No ! It is not the challenge ! Tragedy ! It is however not a tragedy yet since no one know my result yet .I hope it is not gonna be a tragedy ! If i get through , i am sure i wont let it happen to me ! This is the first time ever i say this and it is the last time as well . If i get through , i will do what ever i can to help people in their academic and whatsoever problem they face . People will always promise to themselves in this way to make them feel better . However , it is my vow , it is my promise and it is my destiny to always get ready for help . Thats why, i cannot fail . 

Insomnia is still along me now and i cant take it anymore....Am i tough enough ? and those who always labelled themselves as a tough guy , R u tough enough ? I know only one guy who is that tough and still tough and he is the legend to me . I can hardly achieve that level of toughness . 

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Way of lIfe.

Blogging seems to be bcome part of my life since this March . Have you ever think of what lifE do u prefer ? Life is a simple word , Yes , it seems easy but indeed it is not . I wouldnt be scare to say that most of us live in a meaningless life .>>> Ouch !! What a slap i get frm u ! <<<
 I knew it gonna be hurtful enough to admit yourself is actually having a clueless life . You might noticed one sentence and u may be the one who always use it or get used to it , gIVE u a clue : This word is always use to greet someone , u might have a glance of it in friendster , facebook  or any networking website. ErMmm...Yes ? No ? Anyone get it ? Or u r really clueless right now ? All right , the sentence is HOW'S LIFE ?  Without knowing where and how's ur life heading is just as we floating in the sea , where the wind blows then where we goes . One of my lecturer who taught me Sociology in my A-levels give us a quote from a philosopher which is :"I think therefore i am ." What do u think ? I gave my definition on this statement and my lecturer neglected it , then he give the correct one . In my point of view , there are no fix answer for this . For example , i've read one of my friend's blog which indirectly indicates everyone have different point of view . I think it would be a good idea to introduce his blog . Here is the blog , take a look at it . WILENG'S BLOG . Im sure u will at least gain something by reading it. 
I grabbed some pics from his blog , it is not copyright though...
                             
   Take a look at the below pictures, WHAT do u see ?
   
                                                      
Picture A: An oldman with spec Or a word "LIAR"?

                          .    
                      Picture B : GOOD or Evil ?


The purpose i upload these pics is to share a simple theory , No matter what you answer u give .We tends to argue that yours one is wrong but mine is correct .  It is very rare that we will think of  WE ARE BOTH CORRECT . According to the pictures i showed in the above , Both are correct , one can see the man and the word LIAR as well . Both is the perfect answer . Both .
As to that , In regards to the quote given by my lecturer , it is opined that both of us is actually correct as long as it means something to us and affect us in a positive way . All right , seems like i've gone to far away from what i want to say . ' I think therefore i am' , Man who never thought of their life is eventually damage themselves , thats my definition . What's my lecturer said before ? I've forgotten , sorry for that . From what i understand from that statement , We should get get rid off the dead chair and start thinking to avoid forming a living body without soul , NOW . I am not command anyone of you to do anything , but just to summon up your realisation on your life. We should at least think of what is the purpose for what i working on , we work for what , Why are we study ?  For those people who never work and keep studying , getting one degree then another degree , even if he/she got tons of Phd , what is his life then ? 
For example , one might earn billions in a days , then he sit there and wait for another billions to his pocket . What do you think ? 

By the way , Anyone of u watched "KUNGFU PANDA"? There's a memorable quote from the honorable tortoise :" Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift. That's why they call it 'the present.'  We tend to live in the past , and we tend to curious and wanted to know what is coming is the future and we seldom think of what are we doing now and Is it appropriate to do such a things ? In Buddhism , there's a teaching in Diamond Sutra where is "We shouldn't have the thought of past,now,and future ." What the lord buddha trying to say is :" LIVE IN THE PRESENT."When we are driving , we will try to think of what is gonna happen tomorrow , but then , u know what is gonna result ? I 'll show u ----> BANG ! And ur car is crashed into little pieces . Is that what u want ? As what the tortoise master said in Kungfu Panda , Today is a gift and thats why it is called the Present . Since it is a gift , why don't we get fully use of it and appreciate every moment ? 

Due to the purpose of living , i got a friend who was my classmate in past . She is a girl who is so determined and so clear on what she gonna do . She is very honest and she don't like to pretend, always tells things in a frank way . She is honest enough to tell me that she want to be rich! Last day during exams period , most of us hanging around classes to classes , teacher seems to have so much faith on us and thats why don't really teach in that period . She will find a place to crack those books . She isn't those book-worm type of person but she clearly bare in her mind on what she wanna achieve. I guess , thats what make her scored quite well in SPM . She wont really care what's gonna happen and what had happened , But do better now. As what she told me , she gonna pursue a medic degree after her A-levels . She don't really interested in medic but she do it for her family-her parents . Mans do things for reasons . As long as what she did , benefit herself and peoples . I think it is okay to make that decision . 

What do u want in your life ? Money ? Working position? ...etc...Think and make sure you wont regret forever . You can make a different . You can make changes. You are the modifier , you are the creator and Thats your life . LIVE IN PRESENT.

Here is a movie clip from Kungfu panda where the tortoise master made a conversation with the panda.